Fiona
Koshy
Professor
Zabalbeascoa
First
Year Seminar in Honors: Text and the City.
16
December 2015
Influence of a Father- Son Relationship:
An Essay on Townie and The Lion.
A major theme in the memoir, Townie by Andre Dubus III, is the theme
of a relationship between a father and son, or lack thereof. Dubus found himself the man of the house at a very young age as his father left the family due to divorce. Similarly, Benjamin Scheuer from The Lion lost his father at a young age. Both Dubus and Scheuer
described that they were close to and admired their fathers. They spent a lot of
time with their fathers during most of their childhood. However, their strong
affections withered as their fathers left their families due to either
separation or death. This sudden loss of a father figure in their lives
negatively impacted Dubus and Scheuer. Their lives slowly spiraled out of
control as they adapted to new lifestyles and personalities. Dubus adopted a
violent nature while Scheuer lost the love of music that he and his father once shared. Although Dubus and Scheuer dealt with their situations differently,
they went through similar phases. The loss of a father figure in a family
causes the children to feel neglected because their parent has abandoned them.
This feeling of neglect leads to anger, isolation, and a longing to restore the
relationship with their father. In Townie,
Dubus overcame his insecurities by turning his anger into violence while in The Lion, Scheuer’s guilt turned into
anger because he never resolved the argument between him and his father. Their
anger and resentment distanced them from the rest of their family members. However,
they both managed to follow in their fathers’ footsteps and channeled their
anger and isolation into a form of art through Dubus’ writing and Scheuer’s
music.
The main struggle for Andre Dubus
III as a kid growing up was learning to live without the presence of his father.
When his father left the family, the family felt neglected and vulnerable.
Since the children were left without a father to protect them, the children
often fell victim to the neighborhood bullies. Many neighborhood bullies
targeted particularly Andre and his brother Jeb because they were too weak to
defend themselves. Dubus blamed his father for all of his family’s misfortune
because he felt that his father was “the one who should’ve been here all along,
the one who should never have left [them] in the first place” (122). Dubus
believed that his father should have been there to help protect his family. He
claimed that his family would not have gone through poverty and victimization
if his father had stepped up and played the role of a father figure that he
should have been. Dubus’ resentment towards his father and his disappointment
in himself for not stepping up to replace his father’s role as his family’s
protector caused him to build a lot of anger inside. In his talk, Professor
Dubus described his experience of his father leaving as “I’m scared, I’m
confused, and then I got angry” (Dubus). His anger caused him to realize that
his father was never coming back. If he wanted to be protected, he had to
protect himself. He decided to take on the role as his family’s protector and “never
allow[ed himself] not to fight back ever again” (78). However, as he became
stronger and a better fighter, he got into fights more often. He not only felt
the need to defend himself, but also anybody who he felt was being victimized
by a bully. His impulsive acts of violence led him to realize “that now [he]
was stuck with impulses [he] could not control, ones that could lead to nothing
but deeper and deeper trouble” (200). Dubus used violence as a coping mechanism
to deal with his father leaving his family.
Similarly, Benjamin Scheuer harbored
anger inside of him after the loss of his father. However, the difference
between Dubus and Scheuer was that Dubus externalized his anger through
violence while Scheuer internalized his anger. The last time Scheuer spoke with
his father was when his father told him to focus more on his grades and less on
music. Scheuer refused to speak to his father after he forbade Scheuer to go on
a band trip for school. However, before Scheuer could reconcile with his
father, his father tragically passed away. Scheuer’s frustration at his father
was never resolved because he missed the opportunity to restore their
relationship. This caused Scheuer to carry feelings of frustration and anger at
his father for many years. For example, he refrained from playing his father’s
acoustic guitar and played rock music on his electric guitar instead. He found
it difficult to play the same kind of music with the same kind of passion that
he once shared with his father. His anger that his father left him too soon led
him to an unstable life that included alcohol and eventually led to cancer.
Scheuer’s inability to forgive his father and restore their father-son
relationship caused Scheur to store up anger and frustration inside which led to distancing himself from his family.
The anger that children have when
their father leaves the family results in isolating themselves from the rest of
the family. In his memoir, Dubus explained that is was not just him who spent
less time with the family; his other siblings became distant too. When asked if
he and his siblings ever spent time together as children, Professor Dubus
regretfully responded, “no, we never did anything together as siblings… we were
isolated” (Dubus). Each child isolated themselves from the rest of the family:
Suzanne smoked in her room, Andre worked out in the basement, Jeb played his
guitar behind closed doors, and Nicole padlocked her door. Their family was
never the same ever since their father left. It becomes extremely difficult for
a family to function as a family if a crucial member is missing. The only time
that they would physically come together as a family with their father was
during the holidays where they would reenact their family dinners from the
past. After the holidays were over they would go back into their own individual
worlds and remain there until the next occasion. They were not only physically
isolated, but also emotionally isolated. Dubus described his family as a “house
full of depressed people. My brother was suicidal, I was homicidal, my mother
was incapacitated with depression and so was my little sister” (Dubus). Their
father’s absence affected their mental well being but there was no one to help
them get through it. They all struggled with their demons silently alone. The
father never knew what each of them was going through. From Dubus’ point of
view, he felt he “emotionally didn’t have a father…he missed so much by not
being engaged in our lives” (Dubus). The father unknowingly neglected the
physical and emotional needs of his children. Their family was not the same family
without their father.
In the same way, Ben Scheuer isolated
himself from his family when his father had passed away. When Scheuer missed
the opportunity to reconcile with his father, he felt a sense of guilt.
However, instead of turning to his family for support and reassurance, he
distanced himself from his brothers and his mother. In order to avoid the pain
and guilt, he physically isolated himself from his family by moving to New
York. When he lost his father, he lost
the father-son relationship. When he lost the father-son relationship, he lost
the same passion for music that they once shared. Although Scheuer clung to
some of his past by playing rock music, he tried to compensate for the guilt
and anger with relationships and alcohol. However, once his girlfriend left him
and cancer took hold of him, he realized how truly isolated he was. He realized
that he had distanced himself from everything that reminded him of his father,
which included his family. Unlike Andre Dubus, Scheuer never stepped up to support
his family in any way. Since he felt that his father neglected him by passing
away, he in turn neglected the rest of his family. Scheuer needed to find a way
to fill that empty void that he was left with. He needed to return to a place
where he could reconnect with his paternal figure. He had to learn to forgive
and make peace with his father in order to mend his childhood wounds.
Dubus realized that the best way to
reconnect with his father was not through violence, but through writing. Although
Andre Dubus III harbored a lot of anger inside, he always felt the need to
impress his father and deeply desired a stronger relationship with him. After
Dubus and his father’s first fight together, Andre was “happy to be the object
of his [father’s] pride” (174). Dubus felt that he could continue his violent
nature as long as his father approved of his violence. Dubus continued to
compensate for his feelings of neglect with violence and rage, but in reality could
only be compensated for with the affection of his father. However, more than
the violence, Dubus found that he compensated for his feelings of neglect and
abandonment through writing. He admitted that “writing did save me. It did get me
deeper into me. I felt more like Andre like I ever did” (Dubus). His love for
writing was inspired by his father. Although he rarely read books as a child,
he grew up with his father’s writing and his collection of books. Dubus was
able to use writing as an alternative emotional outlet to express any anger or
pain that he felt. With his love of writing, he no longer felt the need to be
violent as a way to express his anger or please his father. Underneath all of
the muscle and anger, was a little boy who desperately longed for a
relationship with his father. He was able to reconnect with his father by
following in his footsteps as a writer.
In the same way, Ben Scheuer learned to reconnect
with his father through music. After he recovered from his battle with cancer,
his family helped him rediscover his love for music. He regained the strength
to play his guitar again once he started to remember the songs that his father
used to sing to him. As he continued to
play and sing, he eventually found the courage in his heart to forgive his
father. After many years of regret and resentment for his father, he was able
to release all his anger and found peace in his music. More importantly, Benjamin
Scheuer restored his relationship with his father. During his opening night for
his musical, he momentarily broke character and paid a tribute to his father,
whose birthday would have been the night of the opening show. The audience
joined along with Scheuer in singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to his father. It was
evident that Scheuer used his love of music to restore the father-son relationship.
The loss of a parent greatly impacts
a child at a young age. When they are young, children greatly depend on their
parents to protect and nurture them. Whether it be through divorce or death,
the loss of a father figure leads to a child feeling neglected and abandoned by
their father. It becomes particularly difficult for the child in the family that has the closest bond with his or her father. Since Andre Dubus III and Benjamin Scheuer were the eldest sons of their families, they were the ones that had the closest relationship with their respective fathers. They developed a strong relationship and both admired their fathers
as their role models. However, when their fathers departed from their families, they felt betrayed and abandoned because they were dependent on their fathers. They built up a lot of anger and resentment inside. Both Dubus and Sheuer isolated themselves from the
remaining members of the families because they knew that their families would never
be the same again. In the end, they found alternative methods to reconnect with
their fathers; Dubus used writing while Scheuer used music. By restoring the
father- son relationship they both found the courage to forgive their fathers
for abandoning them.
Works Cited
Dubus, Andre, III. Townie: A
Memoir. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012. Print.
Dubus,
Andre III. “Townie Talk.” University of Massachusetts, Lowell. Weed Hall,
Lowell, MA. 2 December 2015. Guest Lecture.
